Erratic

“Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind at any time.” -Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger


My apologies yet again for the long hiatus.  My grand plans to post more often and add more content have not gone well.

My job search, Photoshop class, and my anxiety issues keep me feeling that I cannot do anything fun.  I hate job searching.  It is so easy to procrastinate from it (like right now), especially when I am being encouraged to find work outside of my specialty areas of libraries and museums.    Everyone says job searching is the worst job you will ever have.  I have no idea or measure if I am on the right track.  For example, should I be working 8 hours a day searching?  5 hours?  As I am able?  I have started getting interviews, however.  One at a retailer (that ended in rejection) and two librarian job interviews.  I supposed that means I am doing something right.  I apply to every library-related job in my geographic area I can find.  I even applied to jobs in far-flung places in the state, though I stopped doing that months ago.  Employers are not too keen about helping with moving expenses or compensating job candidates (unless you’re a bigwig) for traveling anymore.  Also, I honestly do not want to move too far away from my family.  The poisonous rhetoric against the unemployed and the condescending, contradictory, and confusing job search/interview advice further tear me down.  I no longer read any job advice on the Internet since it drives me mad.  I over-think and over-analyze to a point of sickness.  At some point, you have to “publish or perish” your cover letters and resumes until something sticks.  You have to make a stand like Leonidas at Thermopylae.

I spoke about my anxiety in a previous post.  There are days and moments when I feel so ready and accomplished.  Then, there are the days and moments when I am despondent and unable to focus at all.  I lean towards a depressive and anxious nature, though I do hide it well in public.  That is one of the reasons Mark Twain is one of my favorite authors.  He had a humorous and funny side, but also a dark and depressive side.  An erratic nature runs in my family and it frightens me that I may get worse over time instead of better.  I keep chugging along and try finding something to do that makes me happy, like volunteering.  I wish I were more successful at it.

Now, if you, dear reader, do have any advice for my predicaments and even have a link you want to share, feel free.  If you have any questions you want to ask, feel free.  I have no problem with it.  If you have any job leads, want to network, etc,. let me know and I will see what I can do.

As with my previous post, I will try to update the blog more in the future.

 

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